Friday, May 08, 2009
No matter-to all of you who are mothers-I hope you have a wonderful day, filled with lots of hugs from your kids and pampering. Personally, more often than not I’m doing what my family wants to do. That’s perfectly okay with me. Those occasions where my kids have pulled out all the stops and gave me a present have always riddled me with guilt.
I think this is more my issue than theirs. I’m always telling them “don’t buy me anything but a card! Save your money for something necessary-like your retirement or a home of your own, don’t waste it on me!”
And I mean it when I say it, when I’m opening the gift and when I’m thanking them, but adding that a real gift to me would have been knowing that they had put this money in the bank.
What can I say-I’m a mom through and through. Last year, my son bought me a crossword puzzle dictionary. I was really thrilled (remember from columns past, I’m a crossword fanatic), but said “Oh Adam, you shouldn’t have spent this on me-you and Sam are saving for a house”
His reply-“Mom, I don’t think this $10 is going to hurt our chances. Can’t you just say thank you without the BUT?”
Uh no, I don’t think so.
One year his sister, my loving daughter Sarah, gave me a 5 part gift of spa treatments-I both loved each and every single treatment and had nightmares about her, her husband and my then future grandkids living on the streets due to this extravagance!
There was the year that my husband went and bought me 2 dozen roses-they were gorgeous and lasted a full 10 days-and so did my guilt over having put the dent in our budget.
It wasn’t Mother’s Day-but I can tell you that on our 20th anniversary my husband upgraded my wedding rings. I swear I love those rings-but I think the guilt I felt over the entire gift was the reason I started perimenopause. Hot flashes and visions of eminent demise for having received such a luxurious gift began the very day I put them on and stayed with me off and on for years.
I’m not good at accepting gifts.
As a mom, I had my mom to learn from-she told my sister and I the same thing. Still does. So it is just a natural reaction for me-I simply can’t help but feel that the money should have been put to something that the giver needed and not for something for me alone to enjoy. My enjoyment over seeing my kids have something to fall back on would more than suffice.
This Mother’s Day, my sister and I are bringing “breakfast for dinner” to my mom’s. She’s still weak from her gall bladder surgery and subsequent stay in the hospital due to complications from her cholesterol medication. Yet it was quite the battle to get her to agree. Her reasoning-we shouldn’t be spending our money this way.
Here's the link for my interview with Rev. Shuller's daughter Dr. Sheila Coleman. She just wrote a very nice faith based book about being a mom entitled "Mommy Grace"