what's cooking?

I try my best to be upbeat and cheery.  But I have to admit, I'm just a tad bit low on positivity this week.  It was time for my 3 month x-ray, bloodwork, etc and a trip to the pain management doctor.  I had to admit to him that honestly, I hurt.  A lot.

He hears me, he really wants to help, but this "thing" that has invaded my body makes it very difficult for him and me.

Can't have an epidural or some steroids shot into my hips because that will make the spores in my lung grow.  And per my latest x-ray-they haven't changed in size in the last 6 months!

So here I am, literally every bone and joint in my body in some state of "hurt" and almost nothing to do to help it.  I can't take painkillers-I'll puke.  So the only thing outside of water aerobics I can do to quell the screaming fireplace poker, knife in the shoulder blades and various other levels of discomfort is to take meds at night that will hopefully help me get some sleep.  There is no "better" if sleep hasn't been obtained.

What I'm trying to say is, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired".    I would love to take a deep breath without holding my ribs and still feeling as if I'm getting short-changed.  I would love to walk without a limp.  I'd really enjoy a night's sleep where the major joints don't wake me up to let me know that my position is not working for them.

Nope, I'm not upbeat or cheery today.  But tomorrow is a new day and that's all any of us can really ask for in our lives.